Wait

What does it take to be intentional right now? Surely we’re already being asked to do so much: hold down a job while working from home in the midst of so many distractions, figure out what to do when there is no job to hold down because working from home is impossible, try not to panic or become depressed as all the benign routines of daily life become fraught with dangers to ourselves or to others and the endless scroll of a social media homepage becomes one pandemic article after another, figure out how to obtain perishable food items without going to the store (but what about the delivery drivers and low-paid grocery store workers?). Must we also add, on top of that, a demand to be intentional?

In my archival theory readings, there’s this buzz phrase, “reading against the grain,” and I feel like what we need right now is to be very deliberate about living against the grain. The urgency and intensity of the waves of bad news are such that it can be easy to follow them wherever they lead. I’ve tried to push back by emphasizing the good amid the bad, and that’s one way to do it. But I think there’s a deeper, non-reactionary action that needs to be taken, of pausing to breathe deeply, to focus intently and deeply on one thing whether that’s a book or a meditation or a complicated bit of needlework or two birds engaged in a mating display, thereby strengthening and providing respite for your spirit, so that you can take stock of your life as it currently is, take stock of the options open to your, and respond to the moment with clarity and vision (as far out as an hour or a day or a week, if nothing longer is possible).

For some people, this is a moment of furious activity, and certainly we should do what we can to support them. But for those of us who are not so engaged, whose role is to sit and wait, this is a tremendous opportunity. What have you been ignoring in your life, because you’re (deliberately?) too busy to take care of it? What is something you have not taken the time to celebrate, for which you’re grateful and can savor delight? Have you learned anything in this experience that might shape how you live your life as, some day, restrictions are lifted and everyday life resumes a less horrifying character?

I don’t have that much time between working from home and doing schoolwork, but I’ve been trying to take my own advice to heart. My emotions in the midst of this have been informative as I attempt to communicate my aspirations to scholarship committees and see doors close and lean into difficult situations. And, unusually for me at a time when I journal less than ever before, I’ve taken the time to write those things down.

There’s only so much time one can spend in introspection, and that’s good: the world is a good place and others are worth consideration, so we can and should be involved in the external world. But we can also find ways to make this an emotionally formative and informative experience.

May your spirits be strengthened and your hearts refreshed.