Today, I emailed Cody at Hillsdale College's admissions office to formally withdraw myself from the incoming freshman class. It was strangely difficult: strange because I did not expect such a sense of resistance to the act, difficult because, after two years of directing all of my hopes and plans toward a life at that school, I have firmly shut a door of my future. Until now, I have never been the one to terminate such a large prospect, and I admit that I wanted to wimp out. Part of me (the "F" in my ISFJ) felt guilty for showing such ingratitude after they helped me so much and offered me such an attractive initial offer of financial aid, but part of me felt relieved when I hit the "send" button. One possible future eliminated. Now I can focus on writing my CIU admissions essay and pursuing that possible future. Strange, how I came into IMPACT with such a firmly fixed conception of my destiny, and as I near the school year's end, I feel lost, a ship loosed from its moorings in a stormy sea. I'm planning my future tentatively, but some part of me would rather just not face those far distant environs of my life, would rather pretend like I will be here forever. My prayer is like Miss Renee's, that His would be the voice saying, "This is the way, walk in it."

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you Leender. I'm pretty sure I can relate to the letting go of something you thought would be your future. Miss you a honey bunches of oats <3