Flying in the Father's Arms

AKA Post #100! I think that's a pretty sweet mark, and therefore, it deserves an excellent topic. Allow me to paint you a story...

Scene One: After church, everyone has melted into pools of that joyful fellowship that follows the service, talking about the week to come and making plans or sharing prayer requests or perhaps simply chasing a child around the room in exasperated love. In the midst of the jumble of glory stands a father. His hands are wrapped around the waist of his tiny daughter, probably no more than three years old, and his face shines upon her. He tosses her up in the air, once, twice, higher, higher, and higher still. Watch her: this is the nearest that we weighty humans have ever come to flight and she will remember the rush of air on her face as if it were the sweet breath of God.

Scene Two: In class this morning, Sean Feucht talks about a life of risk (a "coincidentally" common theme in my life of late...). He prays for a renewal of innocence over us, that pure combination of innocence and naivete that make the faith of a child so simple and yet so trusting.

Scene Three: In the prayer room, surrounded by people kneeling, flat on their faces, being wrecked by God... This is the place of intimacy with our best Love, the One who calls us to live for Him at whatever cost. In this world there will be trouble... But we are His children, and with each breathless "Yes" that we say to Him, He tosses us into the air. How can we fear that He will not catch us? He is the perfect One, and our delight is His delight: we can trust Him. And in that moment of absolute trust, our response can only be one thing: "Higher, Daddy, higher!"

May you fly in your Daddy's arms...


Clementines and Babies

It's a week later. That's really all I can think to say at this point. So much has happened in the past week that I am overwhelmed just thinking about it. And I'm tired when I attempt to envision the future at the present pace. But there is just enough excitement, just enough confirmation from God that here is right and what He wants for me right now, that I can keep on going. After all, as I have been reminded today, when our foundation is the love of God which is unchanging and everlasting and our purpose is to glorify God as we were created to, the word "sacrifice" has no meaning. Is there anything we can possibly give up that even begins to compare to the greater everything that we receive in Christ?

So yes: I am at Fire & Fragrance. I still need another $900 for the program fees, but God is big enough. And wherever He takes me is where I am going. So if I will leave in a month, I will leave. If I stay, I stay. Either way, I want to give everything I am and learn all that I can in the time that I have here. All the same, I would love to do the outreach... And if this desire is from Him, He will provide.

Where You go I go
What You say I say
What You pray I pray

He pours into us so that we who are empty and unworthy can pour all back to Him in praise.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again...

Lord, empty me of all that I am and fill me with all of You. Mold me into the woman You always meant for me to be. And as You invade, don't stop when I am full, but continue to pour into me so that I will overflow Your radiance onto others.


A Light in the Highest Window

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
Oh, when I am alone
Give me Jesus

When I come to die
When I come to die
Oh, when I come to die
Give me Jesus

He's faithful to the end...

A Hundred Laughs for Every Tear

It's Tuesday at last. September 14th has not exactly dawned so much as it has been blackly ushered in by the gradual transitions of the green LED numbers on my alarm clock. And somehow, whatever happens tomorrow (Wednesday, I mean) matters far less to me than where I am right now. How is it that I can have no idea where He is taking me and yet have greater peace than I ever did when the future seemed as precisely delineated as a Mandelbrot set? "I've finally found where I belong," and truly, Lord, it is in Your presence.

I am $4,350 away from going to Fire and Fragrance. Those are the numbers. But sometimes numbers aren't everything.

For instance, a snatched evening with my mentor, the amazing Hayden. Four unexpected hours of conversation at Olive Garden. Our server probably thought we were insane, and we weren't even drinking. But these are the moments we live for. Conversations about everything from the story of Sweeney Todd to the glorification of the bad guy (because, after all, who is to say that his philosophy is of less merit than that of the good guys) to boys to infinity and beyond... Well, infinity might not have been one of the topics, but we definitely went beyond just those.

In Revelations 21:3-4, the loud voice says, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He shall dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be among them, and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

To be alive in a fallen world means to experience much pain and travail. "For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body." (Romans 8:22-23)

Many are the tears of the waiting world, crying out for its redemption, for its true master and the Creator of all to return at last. All is not right and we know it. But this is the grace of our beloved Abba, that for every tear we shed in our finite, numbered lives on earth, we have an eternity of laughter in paradise. Though we are the better for our time in the house of mourning, it is only because we are joined all the closer to Him by uniting with Him in suffering. And someday we shall move from the house of mourning to the city of praise.

To dwell in the house of the Lord forever... And this past day I think He has granted me rest there for these moments. Oh Father, if this is the way, I will walk in it.


When Johnny sings to me...

I ask myself a million times what's right for me to do
To try to lose my blues alone or hang around for you
Well I make it pretty good until that moon comes shinin' through
And then I get so doggone lonesome...
//Johnny Cash//

Turning Tides

Inspiring dust clouds,
coughing out of a dry throat,
this is the cycle of the dreary days.
No rain falls
from a sky without promise
to a world parched and dying.

I have packed away my hope
in boxes,
stowed until a better time:
when winter's fingers rise 
from the bone chill clay
and fair spring renews the song.
Perhaps then I shall be more brave;
perhaps then your laughter
will light the fireflies again.


The journey of a thousand miles

Proverbs 4:18//
But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.


Am I Crazy?

I ask myself that question every morning when I look in the mirror. I think God is laughing at me again...

Monday found me on my knees again
Breathing You in
To blur the lines that mark where I begin
And where You end
No use trying to pretend
Come take me again
Cause rumor has it I'm not who I've been
Come define me

What can we do
If the rumors are true?

I turn everything over
Turn myself in
I turn everything over
Turn myself in
There's nothing left of me to defend
I turn myself over
Turn myself in


Rumor has it You love me
Rumor has it the world spins upside down
Rumor has it my only hope is You
And the rumors are true
I turn everything over
//"I Turn Everything Over" by Switchfoot//


The day the extended metaphor died

I turn everything over.

...But for the record, I'm sick to death of reasons. In their absence, I could use a little revelation.


Why playing at vegetarianism is a losing game, or...


Proverbs 13:12//
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.