In the Rough

Pretend for a second that you have a child (or maybe you actually do, in which case, I advise against pretending as it might unleash a string of delusions which ultimately result in serious mental scarring for your poor, innocent baby). When that child comes in covered in mud or dirt, you don't value him less than when he is clean, do you? What's underneath that temporary external gunk is still the precious little character who brings you joy by the simple fact of his existence.

So why is it that in my head, I feel like I have to make apologies for where I'm at? For instance, going to community college does not exactly have the most glamorous reputation. Apparently it's where a certain personality of people go... You know the ones. But that's not fair. Based on my orientation group and the one girl I met that day who was not in my group, there are lots of reasons why people choose community college, and not just because they're slackers. Okay, so I may wish that I were going to a prestigious four year university, but the reality is, that I am not less of a person because I am not going to one.

The greater loss is that I can't seem to get a job at a coffee shop. Oh no. For over three years, I have prided myself (ha, surefire why to get yourself a new career - pride... thanks, Jesus) on being able to call myself a barista. I get to be a coffee snob because I can ... steam milk really well? Okay, yes, it is an artform. And the fact that I can't do it now (the lack of machine is a major factor) is kind of disappointing for more reasons than the removal of a title. But there was some part of me that derived more than just satisfaction from that designation. I was getting something of my identity from it too.

In Psalm 32:8, it says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you." We're on this awesome journey together, and as a wise man recently said, the epitome of that journey is probably when you reach the realization that it's not about the journey, it's about being together. To reach that point of realization, however, requires a degree of humility. And so He's instructing me and teaching me to take a way that is not comfortable, but perhaps contains a far greater lesson in valuing self and valuing Him. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says, "Beloved"... I guess He's still helping me see what that really means.