Modesty (This Time I Mean It)

One of the things that we discussed during our Biblical womanhood retreat was modesty. To be honest, I don't really think much about it. I don't dress like a nun nor do I evaluate most of my clothing on how it may be perceived (except when I think it's too tight). Sure, I tend to wear mid-rise jeans, but there's a good reason for that and it has more to do with me than anyone who sees me. As far as that goes, Emma's quote was an excellent one: "Your clothes should be tight enough to show that you're a woman, but loose enough to show that you're a lady."

In the end, though, the way you act can speak much more clearly (and contrarily) than the loose-fitting t-shirt and jeans you are wearing. Two opposing examples from my own life:

Example #1: Once upon a time, I was a very dedicated member of a Lord of the Rings forum, and yes, you may laugh. I don't mind confessing my fandom, and I still remember that place quite fondly. One result of that experience was that I met a lot of teenagers, some my age and some rather older. We would chat on MSN Messenger or Yahoo, and most of our conversations were not God-honoring. I was as guilty as any of them, although it was a source of entertainment to some of them to see the change I underwent between my shock at first reading their conversations and my participation later. If that's not a Proverbs moment, I don't know what is. Anyway, Proverbs aside, I never met the guys I talked to, and yet I acted with a great deal of immodesty. I never showed anything that was best kept covered, but I still offered myself to them as an object of desire through the things I was willing to say and the conversations that I participated in.

Example #2: I was talking with Carl today at work, and he was surprised when I said that there are some movies I won't watch with guys. Admittedly, these are probably movies that I shouldn't be watching myself, but I think there are some where that is not the case. In particular, I will not watch anything that involves graphic/multiple sexual encounters or nudity. Why? Because you see one another differently when you have shared that experience. Maybe it sounds kind of prudish and Church Lady strict, and I'll admit that I don't always do a good job of following this (usually when I don't know the content), but in a culture that tells its youth that it is only to be expected that we engage in sexual activities, where sex therapists prescribe porn, where nobody questions things like contraception, abortion, or masturbation ... I would rather not be a part of the culture.

If man, in his headship, protects his wife and loves her as he loves himself, the wife can also protect him from influences that would cause him to love himself less. If that man is told that his worth lies in how many women he sleeps with and he believes that lie, he will not love himself as he ought, and she suffers because he is only capable of loving her insofar as he loves himself. In the same way, if she thinks her worth lies in a number on the scale or the measuring tape, in her usefulness as an object of lust, she values herself the less and so cannot value him so greatly.

I make no claims as to my personal modesty: I can think of at least one area where I need God's grace in that regard. But I hope that we never get caught up in the belief that modesty is just a way of dressing. We are to worship God with our bodies, but also our hearts, minds, and souls. If we clothe only our bodies, if we are emotionally promiscuous or allow our thoughts to turn lustful, we have only obeyed the letter of the law and completely disregarded the life-giving spirit behind it.

If the question you are asking is, "Does this show too much skin?" perhaps the better question to ask is, "Am I honoring God in all things?"

//Psalm 116:16-17//
Oh Lord, truly I am Your servant;
  I am Your servant, the son of Your maidservant;
  You have loosed my bonds.
I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving,
  And will call upon the name of the Lord.