28.4.10

I Procrastinate...

Take it, my lord the king, and use it as you wish,” Araunah said to David. “Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and you can use the threshing boards and ox yokes for wood to build a fire on the altar. I will give it all to you, Your Majesty, and may the Lord your God accept your sacrifice.”
But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on buying it, for I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.”
//2 Samuel 24:22-24//

"The neediness that we demonstrate is so great. I need God more than I fully understand. I cannot even surrender to Him without His help. Because I have to surrender this want, and I know I have to surrender it. I thin that surrender is not a single, large act. It is a series of small acts, of consistently returning to that altar what we snatch back. If this is the case, then my failure is not earth shattering. Where I reach out my hand to longingly brush once more what I gave up in desperation, He says a gentle "no" and reminds me that He is a better caretaker of my hopes, dreams, sins. It is a process that serves me better than I dare to think or even know to think."
(22.September.2009)

"Everything was red, the air, the sun, whatever I looked at. Except for him. I fell in love with someone who was human. I watched him walk through the hills and come back in the evening when his work was through. I saw things no woman would see: that he knew how to cry, that he was alone. 

I cast myself at him, like a fool, but he didn't see me. And then one day he noticed I was beautiful and he wanted me. He broke me off and took me with him, in his hands, and I didn't care that I was dying until i actually was."
(The Story Sisters by Alice Hoffman)

"Hope really is a siren that lures us onto the hidden shoals to our destruction. Hope means hurt on some level at some time. But so does love. All of life is a question of risk and how well you live your life depends on your ability to [anticipate and] respond to pain."
(18.October.2009)

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