Soul Embrace

Yesterday's gradual drizzle building up into rain meant only a dim half light to wake to, hardly sufficient to rouse this often drowsy, no longer morning person. It was only complemented by an inner world of gray that did not wish to push back the clouds anymore than the sky seemed likely to clear room for sunshine. At this point, I would like to apologize if I seem to only write when I face the lows in life's heartbeat monitor. But I suppose I simply don't feel a need to wrestle with joy when it radiates its warmth into every corner of my days. I'd rather rest than wrestle.

Through a series of positive events and a dash of contemplation, I gradually came to the point where I could, as I put it to Hadassah, embrace the rain which was so powerfully indicative of my emotional state. But I have a history with rain and loving it and sitting on porches listening to good music with a world of beautiful solemnity filling up my head.

What about today? Today, I woke to the warming remembrance of an incredibly surprising surprise visit from David, Mary Michael, and Trent at Prince Street last night. I was tired, yes, because the combination of excitement and espresso kept me up until three in the morning (also, a book recommendation list for Hadassah), and the early hour of 6:30 that I had to awake in order to be at the prep kitchen clothed and functional by 8. But other than lack of sleep, I had no reasons for complaint. The sun was shining down on me, the world was all as it could be, blessed be His name.

But as the day has progressed, I've reached this hour, no Bradbury-esque three o' th' morn (that was last night), but a fairly respectable quarter 'til ten. I'm almost overwhelmed with missing beloved friends and familiar places, the fragments and habits of eight months of fully lived life. Though the sun has set in the western sky and the only beacons in the darkness are the indolent fireflies, I feel as if I have been so blessed, as if somehow it must still be shining on me as warmly as it was earlier today when I drove down 283 with my windows open and Alison Sudol's sweet voice blasting. And yet that warmth can't penetrate my skin... I'm living in the sun as if it is still raining. How do I embrace rain that isn't falling? Why must I learn the lesson of yesterday today when today is not yesterday or anything like it?

Sweet river roll over me
Let my body find peace and let my mind be free
Oh, my soul sings to Thee
//from "Sweet River Roll" by Josh Garrels//