I've continued thinking on and off for the past few days about that question of why I do all the things that I do. One of the answers that occasionally surfaces is that I'm distracting myself. From what, exactly?
I tend to frame things pessimistically and to spend a lot of time in my own head. This combination is not infrequently detrimental to my mental health. Also, in case you were curious, why I so frequently feel the need to end my musings on an "up" note that usually involves the word hope. (I'm tempted to say that appeals to hope are often the way station at which everyone gets off the train though. Before the action or change actually occurs, I mean. Let's all feel good, but never do anything to sustain that because good feelings rarely persist in their warmest and fuzziest manifestations when we're getting down to brass tacks.) (I know I've used the phrase "getting down to brass tacks" in another post recently, but I absolutely love it, so let's just move on please.)
To get out of my mental world, I not infrequently resort to distractions. Going out with friends has historically been the default, but that doesn't always work, because I'm not expert at leaving my sulks at home. And perhaps that's all I'm really doing here. Trying to go out in public to also be out of myself. And when I'm by myself, spend more time thinking about things that aren't my own emotional state. It doesn't always work--the motivation is frequently insufficient to drive me to do whatever I plan for myself to do. But it has been a remarkably effective tonic recently.
The follow-up question, I suppose, is whether this is a healthy way of going about things. Whether I'm just distracting rather than dealing. But I honestly think it's more healthful than harmful. Nothing I'm doing is intrinsically bad, and a lot of it feels like it's (incrementally) furthering personal goals that I've had for myself. I've spent so much time wishing to do things and much less time actually doing them that any movement is exhilarating. You can feel a little wind in your hair at 15mph, even if it's not quite the whipping gale forces of 80 in a convertible.
I don't really have more to say on the subject. But speaking of hope, I'm watching the New Hampshire primary result updates and seriously enjoying them. That is all.